look inside the container and see what we have to work with!

right now, the only thing I can think of is saving some of those heath candy for halloween trick or treaters to save money.

Sammy 2025/08/01(Fri)03:40 No. 1112087 ID: b6f979
File 175404482737.jpg - (296.37KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest2.jpg )

Yeah, I guess there's no getting around it. I gotta take stock.

It turns out there were a shitton of baking supplies in the tub full of baking supplies. Some of these things may have literally been here for over a decade. Most of these ziploc baggies aren't labeled, and the only things with dates written on them are the stuff still in its original packaging. Seems like everything kept well enough, though.

Without extensively sampling and measuring everything, here's what we seem to be working with:

-Powdered Sugar
-Brown Sugar
-Graham Cracker Crumbs
-Shredded Coconut
-Chopped Peanuts
-Various Chips (peanut butter, butterscotch, white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, sweet cherry)
-Chopped Almonds
-Chopped Dates
-Mini M&Ms
-Almond Bark
-Reese's Pieces
-Heath English Toffee Bits
-Unsweetened Baking Chocolate
-Little Red Cinnamon Candies

Elsewhere in the kitchen, we also have pretty much all the baking staples, i.e. milk, eggs, butter, flour, granulated sugar, etc. There is also no shortage of baking sheets and pans, parchment paper, measuring cups, mixing bowls, and god knows how many utensils and things. The only thing I know for sure we don't have is a whisk, because a plain fork was always good enough for my grandpa, and it's good enough for me.

Now what?

Time to summon Exodia! I don't know how to cook.

>>1112087
Taste one of each of the toppings.
Rank them in tiers of deliciousness.
Baking is best when the results are shared, so may aswell use the best

Sammy 2025/08/01(Fri)13:59 No. 1112109 ID: b6f979
File 175408194242.jpg - (288.90KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest3.jpg )

>>1112088
Come on, be serious! Nobody runs Exodia these days. Anyway, I don't own any yugioh cards, and I don't plan to; card games just don't really do it for me.

>>1112095
Does "world's Least Selective Taste Buds" mean nothing to you?? Ranking these things is borderline out of the question; I probably won't even notice if an ingredient actually is expired. But fine: I'll meticulously go through everything and see if anything stands out. Some of these might be misidentified, so I guess it'll be good to check and write down my observations.

------

Despite the setbacks of my Horribly Unrefined Palate -- a wretched thing, primarily accustomed to microwaved freezer food -- I think I can safely say most of these ingredients are what I thought they were. I was even able to eliminate one (1) ziploc baggie by combining the nearly-empty bag of cherry chips with the nearly-full bag of cherry chips. This hasn't actually changed the net volume of shit that needs to get used up, but I feel good about being able to set an empty bag aside. That's gotta be worth like, +10 points at least.

Only three bags stood out. I'm not even sure these things exist in the modern world; they taste like novelty mix-ins from the 50s. Observations follow:

-Apparently those are not chopped peanuts. I'm not sure what they actually are, but they're sweet and somewhat soft, and easily melt in the mouth. Some kind of toffee maybe? I don't really know jack shit about toffee, so idk!
-The smaller bag of off-white chips do seem to be white chocolate, but the bigger bag tastes kind of acidic. I'm hesitant to call them lemon-flavored, but they seem more lemon-flavored than white chocolate-flavored. They're probably just old. Old things probably taste acidic sometimes.
-The mini m&ms taste like coffee for some reason? Maybe the ziploc bag originally stored coffee, or maybe that's just what old m&ms taste like. Fuck if I know.

At this point my dad got interested in what I was doing, and has now lent his own taste buds to the cause. By his judgement, the acidic chips could be vanilla, the maybe-toffee reminds him of the chocolate bark grandpa used to buy, and the m&ms have "something crunchy in the center." The man possesses insight and wisdom beyond his years, as you can tell.

However, he also pointed out that in a cupboard full of grandpa's old medication (which we still need to clear out at some point), we also have a huge ass bag of Rice Krispies, and two unopened bags of Mini Marshmallows. One bag gone, three bags added. I'm only just beginning and this shit is already Sisyphean.

It may be worth pointing out that the marshmallow bags (among other unopened packages) do have a couple recipes on them, one of which calls for rice krispies. You know, in case we want to actually get some baking done today. Just a thought; no rush.

What's the next order of business?

Throw out the sour-tasting white chocolate. It's gone bad. Specifically, the milk in it has gone off.
There *were* coffee flavored m&ms but they're not supposed to be those colors. Strange. Are you sure they're not just dark chocolate? Dark chocolate tastes bitter, and I suppose could be mistaken for coffee.

Do you not have any flour? It's hard to bake without it, but not impossible. With no flour... you could make some rice crispy treats! Maybe add some of the other sweets to it. Chocolate certainly works with them.

10 ounces (looks like one bag?) marshmallows to 6 cups rice crispies. I dunno if you have enough rice crispies, but you could add other types of mild-flavored cereal to it as filler.

you might not have enough cereal to marshmallow ratio for krispie treats, but I bet there's recipes out there for rice krispie cookies. You could try putting some of the other toppings in too. maybe coconut would be good.

Sammy 2025/08/02(Sat)02:35 No. 1112163 ID: b6f979
File 175412732770.jpg - (315.63KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest4.jpg )

>>1112110
Do you ever feel like screaming? Sometimes I feel like screaming. I also feel like no one would hear me no matter how loud I screamed.

We have flour. We have all the common staples of baking, stored elsewhere in the kitchen. I mentioned this previously; but I'll err on the side of humility and assume this miscommunication is my fault. I didn't take a picture of my beautiful staples when I originally mentioned them, so they probably seemed fake and illusory, and difficult to imagine. Hopefully this image clears that up. And just to dispel any doubts, if it really comes to it, I can always go out and buy anything we need; you don't have to worry about whether we have any common baking ingredients.

But more importantly: I am absolutely not throwing out the weird, acidic, possibly-lemon/vanilla chips. The whole point of this heroic endeavor is to prevent things from being thrown out, and ideally bake them into something beautiful, and possibly tasty. Even if the chips actually are expired, I'll gleefully bake with them anyway. They deserve it. Even if I am poisoned and die from eating them, I will have only my past self to blame for not using them sooner. I will not allow them to suffer the indignities of being thrown into a garbage can. But if everyone thinks they're gross we can, like, save them for last or something. That's fine.

Sammy 2025/08/02(Sat)02:35 No. 1112164 ID: b6f979
File 175412733806.jpg - (280.29KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest5.jpg )

NOW,
I think rice krispie treats are probably a good start. A nice, simple, easy recipe that even a small child could make and post online for clout. Thankfully I'm 28, so this should be even easier.

By my measurement, we currently have exactly 8 cups of rice krispie cereal, and 21 ounces of mini marshmallows. Fortuitously, the first (unbranded) recipe I found when googling "rice krispie treats" calls for 20 ounces of mini-marshmallows, and 9 cups of cereal (plus butter and other unexciting stuff). By my math, if we use all 21 ounces of marshmallows, that gives us approximately 1.5 cups of wiggle room for mix-ins. Which begs the question:

Which mix-in(s) should I add to the recipe?

>>1112164
The weird m and m things, milk chocolate chips to balance the bitter.
We got ourselves a cronchy tiramisu themed rice krispie treat.
Zig zag stripe chocolate sauce drizzle on them after they've cooled too.
Drizzle zig zag looks classy as fuck.
Could even serve with a little icecream.

the peanutbutter or butterscotch chips could be melted into the marshmallow mix. I think the toffee bits would also go well.

Sammy 2025/08/04(Mon)19:33 No. 1112273 ID: b6f979
File 175436118729.jpg - (197.20KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest6.jpg )

>>1112166
>>1112171
I'm torn. I did say I want to bake beautiful things, and a classy pseudo-tiramisu sure fits the bill! But I also JUST called this recipe simple and easy, and dumping in some chips/toffee and calling it a day sounds hella easy. Without any other input, how can I possibly decide?! I might just have to combine both options in an absurd compromise that pleases nobody...

Haha, just kidding. I'm a functional adult. I flipped a coin about it.

We're doing the tiramisu thing.

The first obstacle is that I don't have any chocolate syrup. (Sidenote: I'm assuming you meant chocolate syrup, and/or the distinction doesn't matter. When I googled "chocolate sauce" every single link was a recipe, and they all used 'sauce' and 'syrup' interchangeably.) And I'll be real: this blunder is on me. We have a bottle of caramel syrup on standby for syrup-based emergencies, and I thought it would be enough. But there's no denying it: caramel isn't chocolate. Also Saturday was grocery day, and I didn't add it to the list in time. My lack of foresight has doomed us all.

Except not really because like I said there are tons of recipes for chocolate sauce -- including a nice 5-ingredient recipe that claims it's better than any store-bought syrup. I'm skeptical, yet intrigued. Having already conveniently gathered and photographed the ingredients, we begin.

Sammy 2025/08/04(Mon)19:33 No. 1112274 ID: b6f979
File 175436119941.jpg - (260.69KB , 756x756 , BakingQuest7.jpg )

I've never made chocolate sauce (or syrup) before, but I think this turned out okay! It was more... frothy than I expected, and I may have let it reduce too much; the recipe said it would make 14 ounces but I ended up with about 9. Still, it's pourable liquid chocolate. I don't think anyone has much to complain about here.

(Other than maybe the high sugar content, because it was one full cup of sugar. But we're here on this bitch of an earth for a good time, not a long time. The health nuts can stuff it.)

Now, while that cools, it's time for the main course!

Sammy 2025/08/04(Mon)19:33 No. 1112275 ID: b6f979
File 175436120783.jpg - (220.40KB , 756x756 , BakingQuest8.jpg )

...

It occurred to me at around the moment of this graphic, unsightly photo that I have never actually made rice krispie treats before. I kind of assumed I had some ancient childhood memories that would bubble up when needed, or maybe just enough of a genetic lineage that it would simply come naturally to me. This did not turn out to be the case!

Instead I realized that I have no idea how much to stir melting marshmallows (which was compounded by the fact that old, clumpy marshmallows are kind of difficult to stir!), or if I should have spread the butter around the sides of the pot more or something, because I'm pretty sure the marshmallows started caramelizing before they were all fully melted. Shit!!!

At this moment, I realized I was at a crossroads. I could either add the cereal now, on the assumption that caramelization shouldn't be happening, and probably indicates the marshmallows have been cooking long enough; or I could keep heating the marshmallows, hoping that with enough stirring the brown caramel parts would disappear back into the white mass of perfect, gooey mallow.

I don't know if either option was strictly correct, but I do wish I had chosen differently.

Sammy 2025/08/04(Mon)19:33 No. 1112276 ID: b6f979
File 175436121717.jpg - (315.72KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest9.jpg )

There's simply no good way to spin this. This was a complete and utter unmitigated disaster.

I poured in half the cereal to try to fold it in, and when this didn't seem to be working very well -- possibly because I was doing things like "panic while trying to take a picture of a marshmallow nightmare using a slow, outdated phone" -- I doubled down and poured the rest of the cereal in. As you can tell, this turned out exactly how anyone not crazed by hunger and panic could have predicted: bad. (By the way, did I mention I hadn't eaten anything yet while doing all of this? Not to make excuses; I just think it's relevant to my decision making.)

My father did put his large and powerful arms to task, attempting to salvage as much of the ongoing dumpster fire as he could (mainly by stirring the shit out of it and, when this didn't work, heating it up and then continuing to stir the shit out of it) -- but ultimately, it was a doomed effort. Grandpa was always the one who made rice krispie treats in this house. Nobody else really knew what to do, or what to expect.

It's kind of a weird reason to regret not talking with your grandpa more, but these garbage rice krispie treats are an effective echo of that universal truth: you never really know what you have until it's gone.

God these turned out awful.

Sammy 2025/08/04(Mon)19:33 No. 1112277 ID: b6f979
File 175436122906.jpg - (279.61KB , 756x1008 , BakingQuest10.jpg )

When I first started this, I felt pretty confident. I've baked plenty of cookies and pizza before, and with homemade dough for both! (Though the pre-prepared frozen stuff is, beyond all question, shitloads easier.) I really didn't think a five ingredient cereal-and-marshmallow dessert was going to lay me low like this. It's pretty humbling!

It also highlights certain important considerations, like "don't use old marshmallows without declumping them first," and "maybe don't try to make such a large batch all in one go for your first try," or even quite possibly "baking chicken wings while cooking marshmallows on the same stove is a fool's errand."

I'm no heatologist, but the heat from the oven almost certainly fucked up the marshmallow melting process a bit. I'm still mostly to blame, but I think the designers of this oven and/or the laws of thermodynamics also have a few things to answer for.

The good news is the wings turned out okay. In my haste, I did forget to grease the foil sheet they were baked on, but that didn't end up mattering too much. Consolation prize: everyone got a decent, hot meal. Baked with love, straight from a bag from the freezer. (For what it's worth, that bag also very much needed using up. It was literally so old that the company it came from is now defunct. Granted, they only went defunct last year, but still. There's a lot of old crap in this house.)

Sammy 2025/08/04(Mon)19:34 No. 1112278 ID: b6f979
File 175436124275.jpg - (220.46KB , 756x1008 , BakingQuest11.jpg )

Anyway, uh... I was gonna do a whole plating and presentation thing, and then maybe some kind of mini-mukbang as part of the taste test, but then it turned out that instead of a tasty treat I made sugary scrap.

Pretty disheartening, not gonna lie! I was originally very excited about having used up the already-open bag of milk chocolate chips, with only a small handful leftover. You can see I made the remaining chips into a little heart shape, kind of. I was going to do a really beautiful and poetic sendoff of the empty bag; a stirring performance to move even the most curmudgeonly of souls. But now I don't really feel like it.

Even the chocolate drizzle looks sad. I didn't think a chocolate drizzle could be sad, but today is a day loaded with learning experiences. I guess the rugged crags of Mount Dogshit didn't make a very good canvas.

Honestly? Fuck it. I'm just going to drown this thing in chocolate. It's suffered enough, and I can't think of a better way to put it out of its misery.

Sammy 2025/08/04(Mon)19:34 No. 1112279 ID: b6f979
File 175436125418.jpg - (230.03KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest12.jpg )

Goodbye, rice krispie treat. We hardly knew ye.

The innocent chips get to play in the shallows where it's safe. They comprehend neither the mercy nor the horror, mere inches away, because none of them are alive or capable of thought. They look like they're having fun though.

We can probably still do the mukbang thing, if anyone wants to dissect the recent trauma. I'll probably be staring at this thing for a while. As I type this it's already been over an hour since I finished baking. It's a little difficult to eat, for multiple reasons.

Mukbang time! If you have any comments, questions, or concerns, now's the time to share them!

So it doesn't look great. The real question is, how does it taste/mouth feel?

do you have games on your phone

Sammy 2025/08/05(Tue)01:18 No. 1112290 ID: 0d424a
File 175438188744.jpg - (208.78KB , 756x1008 , BakingQuest13.jpg )

>>1112285
Honestly? For all the melodrama, it tastes just fine. Most bites have all the basic components: crunchy krispies, gooey mallow, and a couple m&ms. I definitely shouldn't have poured this much chocolate sauce over it, but it doesn't make it taste any worse; just makes me hyperconscious of cavities. Fun to watch it spread, at least.

As for texture, it is Complete Hell on the roof of my mouth. (But then, so are normal rice krispie treats.) As someone who is predominantly a soft foods lover, eating this is a penance in more ways than one.

Pops and grandma also went in for a few nibbles; both admit it's difficult to eat, what with most bits being either hard as rock or extremely crumbly, but neither had any complaints besides. Frankly, it was a little worrying how quickly both of them started going for it. They didn't even wait for it to fully cool. Maybe they sensed my struggle, and pitied me, or maybe their sweet tooths (sweet teeth?) really are that undiscerning.

>>1112286
A couple. One is a mobile version of an idle game I have on Steam, Melvor Idle. It's loosely based on Runescape. I haven't played it in nearly a year, because idle games and I have a periodic relationship: I know they're bad for me, being huge and pointless timesinks, and I try to avoid them... up until one catches my interest, and I get sucked back in again for a few months.

The other game is a lightweight collection of puzzle games, Simon Tatham's Puzzles, which I play during idle moments pretty frequently. The graphics are nothing special, but it's streamlined, free, has no ads, and offers a lot of options for generating random/custom puzzles. Basically it's exactly what you want in an open-source puzzle game. Great stuff.

...

This thing really is hell to eat, but I'm committed to not throwing any of it away. Bite by bite, it's going down. ...Slowly. I'm still going to be here for a while.

>>1112290
Boldly done.
Bravery in cooking results in wonders, horrors and occasional kitchen fires.
All from which you learn.

Your sauce looks damned nice.

Vanilla icecream would take the edge off that tiramisu terrormessu.

I judge this a success because nothing is on fire and nobody is chugging pepto or clogging toilets.

Sammy 2025/08/05(Tue)12:18 No. 1112301 ID: 0d424a
File 175442151250.jpg - (248.22KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest14.jpg )

>>1112291
Hey, thanks. I really appreciate the sentiment.

And you're right! I almost forgot to try this with ice cream. The sauce and chips have now found their true calling.

I'm definitely feeling a little sugar sick from eating all this. Good thing it's almost done. Afterwards I'll probably rest for a little while. Fucking up these rice krispies sure was exhausting!

I mean, don't have to eat them all at once. At least they taste okay. first mostly success!

Sammy 2025/08/07(Thu)02:23 No. 1112408 ID: 0d424a
File 175455859706.jpg - (151.04KB , 756x756 , BakingQuest15.jpg )

>>1112353
Believe me, there's still plenty more resting in some tupperware! Though, in hindsight, I didn't have to break off such a large piece. I just sort of grabbed the first handhold I could find, and it ended up being about 1/8th of the total mass.

No matter! I finally finished that last bite. My plate is clean once more. Phew! It'll be nice to rest a little, now that that whole mess is sorted...

Sammy 2025/08/07(Thu)02:25 No. 1112409 ID: 0d424a
File 175455875857.jpg - (255.52KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest16.jpg )

Alright that's enough loafing around. Back to business.

I'm going to streamline this next bakeable just a tad. After some much-needed inventory-taking, I've discovered our pantry cupboards (and freezers) hold yet more bounties. We have COOKIE BAGS, and BROWNIE MIX.

Both are disgustingly easy to bake, being largely premade, but an easy win sounds really good right about now. These can't possibly backfire like the rice krispies. And, if nothing else, the kitchen stores could stand to contain something a little easier for my grandma to snack on. Once she's got a healthy supply of more soft/edible treats, I'll feel better about doing more baking experiments.

So, two questions: Should I bake cookies, or brownies? And, in particular, which bag or box should I use?

(Cookie options are: Sugar cookies or Oatmeal Raisin cookies. Brownie options are Ultra Moist Fudge brownies, Chocolate Fudge brownies, Milk Chocolate brownies, or Dark Chocolate brownies.)

>>1112409
Cookies, oatmeal raisin, put the M&Ms in it.

brownies, milk chocolate.
but put m&ms in

>>1112419
>>1112420
Like a reverse soloman, i suggest putting these two babies together.
Mix up brownie batter nice and thick.
Pour half into prepped baking tray.
Nestle the cookies in the batter gently and spaced out.
Pour the rest of the batter over the safely nestled cookies.
Bake that up.
You just made a tray of brookies.
Or crownies.
You pick the name cause youre the culinary frankenstien to this monster.

>>1112429
ooh that's right cookie/brownies are a thing. A very tasty thing. and you can throw the m&ms in there too.

Sammy 2025/08/08(Fri)21:47 No. 1112471 ID: 0d424a
File 175471486507.jpg - (309.46KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest17.jpg )

>>1112419
>>1112420
>>1112429
>>1112434
Okay, I guess we can do a bakesperiment anyway. How can I say no to this kind of good ol' fashioned collaboration between strangers? And the end result will probably be decently soft and chewy.

It also seems we have exactly one vote each for a cookie and brownie type, and everyone is dead set on the m&ms again. Works for me!

After doing some research, it seems several variations of the combination cookie/brownie exist, mainly via combining cookie dough with brownie batter into either one big bar, or half-and-half cookies. They also seem to be predominantly called brookies. Since these will be fully-formed cookies being slotted in the middle of brownie batter, I'm calling them crownies. May god have mercy on my soul.

First order of business: comparing the baking times and temperatures. At a glance: not very compatible! They ask for different temperatures (though not hugely different), and the frozen cookies only need 12 minutes, while the brownies need about 30. The cookie bag pleads with me not to over-bake them, and I'm inclined to listen. So here's my thinking:

On the assumption that the brownies need a longer time because they are both baked as one contiguous mass and use a slightly lower temperature, the cookies should survive just fine if they're tucked away under their brownie blanket. BUT: I'm going to thaw them first. I have no idea how catastrophic the repercussions could be if I put frozen cookie dough in lukewarm brownie batter, and I don't intend to find out. Especially when the center of something is usually the hardest part to cook!

Sammy 2025/08/08(Fri)21:48 No. 1112472 ID: 0d424a
File 175471488166.jpg - (245.76KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest18.jpg )

There. All neatly set out on some parchment paper in perfect little rows and columns. Now, while these brave soldiers thaw, it's time to prepare the brownie mix.

Sammy 2025/08/08(Fri)21:48 No. 1112473 ID: 0d424a
File 175471489924.jpg - (295.21KB , 756x1008 , BakingQuest19.jpg )

But wait!!! I've been here before. The family needs feeding, and cooking while baking is still too unpredictable for my novice understanding of heatology. I'm not making that mistake again! So before starting any baking proper, I'm just going to get today's dinner out of the way altogether. Today's it's a Hamburger Helper Skillet Meal. Very tasty and extremely legally distinct.

It's too bad this isn't a video, so there are no timestamps I can give you to skip this part if you love baking but hate cooking. Suffer, I guess.

Sammy 2025/08/08(Fri)21:48 No. 1112474 ID: 0d424a
File 175471492510.jpg - (326.58KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest20.jpg )

Anyway, nothing overly complex here. Brown the meat, drain the fat, add the liquids and meal packets, boil, simmer, sprinkle in shredded cheese, and voila! Reasonably rapid food for a reasonably sized family.

Not depicted: optional pickle slice garnish, for transforming this plain ground beef meal into a zesty hamburger feast.

Sammy 2025/08/08(Fri)21:49 No. 1112475 ID: 0d424a
File 175471495198.jpg - (216.45KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest21.jpg )

Back on track with the baking racket.

For reasons beyond my mortal comprehension, only one of the two eggs remained intact while I stirred everything up. Possibly I showed it too much subconscious mercy, or possibly it exhibited psychic powers just strong enough to sway my stirring arm past it every time, never once puncturing it. At least not before taking this picture.

I made sure to very deliberately strike it down off-screen. It was too powerful to live.

I just hope this wasn't some kind of terrible omen that I'm too busy to understand.

Sammy 2025/08/08(Fri)21:49 No. 1112476 ID: 0d424a
File 175471496889.jpg - (225.58KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest22.jpg )

I ran into a bit of a predicament once I actually started placing cookies into the brownie pan. It occurred to me literally only midway through placing them that the number of cookies I had set out to thaw might be a tad too much to dump into this amount of brownie batter. (You can actually see a few incriminating marks of cookies scooted around, to accommodate gaps where cookies were shuffled/removed.)

Normally I would be gung ho about fucking around and finding out -- but so fresh after the recent disaster? When I heard the devil on my shoulder whispering to me that I should dump all the cookies in, I knew I had to swat him like the annoying mosquito he is. Not today, impulsive thoughts!

Admittedly, I might have been able to squeeze a couple more in without any issues, but I erred on the side of caution. Especially since we still have a lot of brownie mix to go through, and two boxes to a flavor for half of them. We can fuck around more later.

Sammy 2025/08/08(Fri)21:49 No. 1112477 ID: 0d424a
File 175471497953.jpg - (195.14KB , 756x1008 , BakingQuest23.jpg )

I think this image is genuinely beautiful. Probably doesn't display enough critical tenets of photography, but I don't give a shit about that. I just think these cookies are as thoroughly tucked as they could be, given the tools available. They're so young, and already I'm deeply proud of them. I can't wait to see what they grow up to be...!

Sammy 2025/08/08(Fri)21:49 No. 1112478 ID: 0d424a
File 175471498908.jpg - (300.42KB , 756x1008 , BakingQuest24.jpg )

Lucky for you, you don't have to wait. Here they are, in all their golden brown glory. Well, just brown glory, really. But a nice, rich, chocolatey brown.

I was, admittedly, of two minds about the contents of this pan when I first pulled it out of the oven. Part of me saw a layer of cookies frozen in brownie-carbonite. An utterly reactionary thought. Perish it!

The rest of me saw it for what it was: a beautiful communion of souls; a previously untold co-mingling which would surely end any cookie-brownie war, if presented with sufficient aplomb. (And maybe tact, depending on how carnal a pleasure these crownies might be.)

Something about the hint of cookie appearance is really satisfying to me. I don't think this could have turned out any better!

...Well, other than one minor detail...

Sammy 2025/08/08(Fri)21:50 No. 1112479 ID: 0d424a
File 175471501041.jpg - (208.88KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest25.jpg )

The more astute among you, if you have been paying attention, have probably already noticed something amiss. A slight oversight, if you will. Or even a completely forgivable and tragic mistake that anyone could have made, were they in my position. Tomato, tomato.

But I am nothing if not unflinchingly honest and self-critical. The truth is, as you can plainly see...

I forgot the goddamned m&ms.

Sammy 2025/08/08(Fri)21:50 No. 1112480 ID: 0d424a
File 175471502543.jpg - (297.22KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest26.jpg )

There was a lot on my mind! The excess of thawed cookies, for instance, which needed prompt refreezing regardless of whether I opted to bake them today (more on that later). It was kind of a pain in the ass to pick up the parchment paper they were on and move them without dropping any! I ended up removing the cookies on the edges, moving the central cookies on their respective sheets, and then replacing their melty brethren.

This was also made more difficult by the fact that the springs in the freezer lid are well on their way out, and no longer hold the lid up.

Add in the fact that I also had to rearrange the contents of the freezer just so we would have some nice flat surfaces to refreeze cookies on, all while balancing the lid on my head, and... well, I got a bit scatter-brained! Sue me. You weren't there. You don't know what it was like. I don't even know how many m&ms would have been appropriate to add, anyway. Nobody gave me a measurement or a ratio to keep in mind. If you think about it, I'm the real victim here.

Sammy 2025/08/08(Fri)21:50 No. 1112481 ID: 0d424a
File 175471504758.jpg - (223.07KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest27.jpg )

Anyway enough whinging. The point is: I got a little distracted. I did end up baking all of the remaining raisin oatmeal cookies, because the oven was already hot, and they were already all removed from the bag, and in the moment it just seemed easier to bake them than put them back. I also thought maybe I could make up for the m&m thing by polishing off this bag of cookies.

But then it became kind of a "give a mouse a cookie" thing, because the bag made 3 full sheets of 15 cookies with 5 leftover. And 5 seemed like kind of a pathetic amount to put in the oven all by themselves!

So, naturally, I baked the entire bag of sugar cookies too. I think the fruits of my labor speak for themselves. Goddamn if this image doesn't cause some salivation.

And goddamn do my feet hurt from standing in the kitchen all day. I was cooking and baking for four straight hours -- including preparation and a near-constant washing up. If you are unimpressed by my herculean feats of baking, still intent on getting your pound of flesh for the m&m blunder, then you can at least take some solace in the fact that my tootsies are very sore and it's kinda hard to stand up now. You sadistic fuck.

Sammy 2025/08/08(Fri)21:51 No. 1112482 ID: 0d424a
File 175471507759.jpg - (252.29KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest28.jpg )

Holy shit did I take a lot of pictures -- and I didn't even use all of them!

Thus concludes today's tale. A truly monstrous amount of baking, partially done to make up for a truly minor and forgettable error. Honestly, I can't even remember what it was. Look, see? I have some perfectly good m&ms mixed into this pile of brownie scrapings and crumbs, as taken from the pan after all the brownie slices were removed. I resent any implication that the m&m candies were added after the fact. I don't deny it, but I resent it.

Mukbang 2, Electric Boogaloo! Complain about the m&ms, or say literally anything else!

(Sidenote: time isn't real, but I continuously feel myself adjusting to it. Depending on the level of activity, this mukbang will probably have fewer "eating updates," in exchange for just responding to everything all at once after the weekend. Be told.)

>>1112482
>forgot m&ms
It's ok. I forgive you.

Hey your writing is pretty good. Have you done a quest here before?

Oh!
Damned fine work.
Crownie cookie medley with a side of m&m-browniescraping fusion and a glass of fresh cow juice.
Exquisite.

Mmmm scraps

Those all look ver good

Sammy 2025/08/11(Mon)04:40 No. 1112563 ID: 0d424a
File 175491245427.jpg - (103.54KB , 655x655 , BakingQuest29.jpg )

>>1112486
Thanks! And nope; I'm a quest virgin, if you can believe it. (Or was, right up until this quest.) In fairness, I have cut my teeth writing stories elsewhere, but I'm glad you enjoy my writing enough to wonder! Means my childhood spent reading dictionaries and googling word definitions was worth it.

>>1112491
>>1112522
Glad ya like it! I sure liked eating it. I was a little worried I had left everything cooling for too long and gotten it all stale, but even after taking the time to post the update before eating anything, they were still plenty soft -- even the pile of crumbs. That's how you know we've got quality baked goods on our hands.

Though, now that I think about it... it's been fairly humid for a while. According to our humidity monitor, it's 50% humid indoors. Is that high? Could that keep baked goods moist? It's hard to know for sure... I could leave some out overnight to test it, but I don't really care that much. I guess I'll never know!

Segue into recent news: My hungry hungry father, bless him, already managed to eat all the rice krispie tricks. Notably, he did this without indulging in the open container of chocolate sauce in the fridge. I'm not sure what form of insanity possessed him to do this, but it did leave me with about 4 ounces of chocolate sauce to use up. Given that I've thought for a while that homemade chocolate-dipped strawberries sounds really good, and given that I'm apparently doing this "amateur photography" thing now, I -- naturally -- got high and poured the sauce over some potato chips instead, which sounded better to me at the time. (In fairness: I sincerely enjoy fries dipped in a milkshake. Salty and sweet are a great combo, and if you think otherwise, you're lying.)

The worst part about this is that when I first pulled the chocolate sauce out of the fridge, I noticed it had entirely solidified (at least on the surface), and given that it had apparently over-reduced when I first made it, I thought to pour a little water in to help it thin up a bit. But I must have been high or something, because what I thought was a tiny splash instead made the chocolate more runny than water. Straight up non-Newtonian fluid. Which, with a name and credentials like that, you'd think would have been worth photographing; but no, it really wasn't. It just looked like soggy chips, on account of being soggy chips. (Sidenote: still riding the end of that high as I write this. If you spot any typos: no you didn't.)

In brief, the chocolate sauce has been slain, and it didn't even die in a photogenic way. I can make more, of course, but right now I no longer have any on standby. For those keeping track of that kind of thing.

And that might be relevant, because now that the rice krispies have all been introduced to my father's stomach, we have a completely empty container to fill with unhinged, experimental baked goods. Experimental baked goods that YOU could be responsible for!

I'll just throw this out there: I think the most obvious things I can use all those mix-ins for are cookies and brownies, and I'll happily bake either! But I'll just as gladly bake cakes, muffins, or even the exotic donut! If you suggest something difficult like "croissants" I'll almost certainly fumble it, but goddammit I'll try my best. You have my word on that.

Enough ado. Time to pop the question:

What should I bake next?

Nalthar 2025/08/11(Mon)15:08 No. 1112576 ID: fd169b
File 175495010640.jpg - (1.87MB , 1552x2020 , 20250811_154839.jpg )

I was trying to think what you could do with the brown sugar, and I remembered an old recipe for Shoo Fly Cupcakes. Its like the pie, but in cupcake form.

It uses 1 1/2 cups brown sugar so that should use it all up.

>>1112576
Hmm, I think the reese's pieces would work as a mix-in here.

Both sterling ideas.
We havent tapped anything nut based for a creation so fat.

Sammy 2025/08/11(Mon)21:49 No. 1112594 ID: 0d424a
File 175497417660.jpg - (146.67KB , 756x800 , BakingQuest30.jpg )

>>1112576
Oh hell yes. A hand written recipe, and it's a variation on something so old I forgot it existed! Sign me up.

I'm awful with reading cursive, but if I'm not mistaken, that's 1 1/2 cups of brown sugar on the left, and another 1 cup brown sugar on the right. So 2 1/2 cups total, yeah?

I should be able to handle it regardless; after spending an enjoyable half-hour declumping and measuring the brown sugar, it seems I have about 6 1/2 cups to work with.

>>1112577
>>1112578
I don't have enough of a palate to know what would make for a good mix-in here, let alone how much to add. So sure! We seem to have one vote (and a "sterling") for reese's pieces, and a general observation for nuts. Barring any further developments, I guess that's a win for reese's?

Any further thoughts on what to add? If not, I'll just default to one cup of reese's pieces.

mmm, pieces should go well yes

Oh, you want more? How about some toffee bits. Just a little.

Toffee is a good call.

Sammy 2025/08/14(Thu)02:19 No. 1112685 ID: 0d424a
File 175516314073.jpg - (192.98KB , 1008x700 , BakingQuest31.jpg )

>>1112618
>>1112621
>>1112635
Alright, looks like we're locking in reese's pieces plus bonus toffee. To be honest I was hoping for an amount to be specified, but I didn't really clarify that at all, so that's on me. Anyway, no one's argued with 1 cup, so I guess we'll do a half-and-half cup of reese's pieces and toffee. Or, owing to the "just a little," maybe 75% reese's 25% toffee? I'll feel it out.

I've also taken this opportunity to see if the things I think are toffee match up with the explicitly labeled bag of Heath toffee bits. After a quick taste test (and a corrupted/missing photo, apparently -- haunted toffee?) it seems the Heath toffee bits are virtually identical to the bits in the ziploc, except the ziploc bits are softer. I don't know whether toffee gets softer or harder over time, and since the Heath bag has "2022" printed on it and the ziploc is dateless, and also since I can't be bothered to search online or buy a fresh bag to compare, I may never know.

Just another of life's great mysteries.

Anyway let's get into it. Everyone ate leftovers today, so no cooking intermission this time; we can just get straight into... Nope, wait a second! I forgot to check if we have cupcake liners. I'm pretty sure we do, but I definitely shouldn't go any farther without finding them first.

Sammy 2025/08/14(Thu)02:19 No. 1112686 ID: 0d424a
File 175516316299.jpg - (829.83KB , 1400x1400 , BakingQuest32.jpg )

Hey, here's a fun minigame: see if you can spot the cupcake liners! It'll be just like the I Spy books, except there's only one thing to find and there isn't really a theme or any artistic composition. Just four drawers of kitchen miscellanea.

Personally, I spent entirely too much time rifling through different drawers in the kitchen trying to find them (far more drawers than depicted here), but you might have better luck. Don't be fooled! There are two boxes of mini-cupcake liners which are completely useless for our purposes today, but which I have mentally set aside for later (and, critically, not physically set aside in any way).

I'll give you a moment to complete your search.

...

Did you spot them? If you did: I'm proud of you! Your eagle eyes will doubtless come in handy later on -- maybe even soon!

If you didn't... I'm not mad. I'm not even disappointed. I would be genuinely surprised if anyone actually cared enough to look for more than five seconds. This minigame is a little silly and pointless! But for completeness's sake, I'll whisper the answer: Allllll the way in the bottom left corner of the bottom left drawer, heavily obscured by a red spatula thing. Tricky!

Sammy 2025/08/14(Thu)02:20 No. 1112687 ID: 0d424a
File 175516321290.jpg - (94.02KB , 756x756 , BakingQuest33.jpg )

Now, I hate to cast aspersions... but I think I know what some of you are really here for. These baking stills I've been churning out just don't do it for everyone; some of you doubtless prefer the more intimate, behind the scenes action.

It's okay. There's no need to be ashamed. I've been kind of stringing you along in any case. I can only hope that you don't think any less of me; either for finally showing off the goods, or for having taken this long to flaunt them.

Well, the wait is over. Here you go~

And yes, you're seeing that right. Pure. Unblemished. Perfectly smooth.

It doesn't get any better than this.

Sammy 2025/08/14(Thu)02:20 No. 1112688 ID: 0d424a
File 175516323642.jpg - (132.09KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest34.jpg )

And for those with, shall we say... darker tastes... I've got you covered. ;)

Admittedly, I didn't do the best job getting this shot properly in focus... but plenty of people prefer watching amateurs over professionals, and being a humble amateur myself, who am I to deny them their satisfaction?

Sammy 2025/08/14(Thu)02:21 No. 1112689 ID: 0d424a
File 175516326234.jpg - (219.69KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest35.jpg )

Enough foreplay. It's time to really get in there.

The recipe said "use hands," so I'm about to go full adventure game and

>use HAND on BOWL

(Hand, singular, because I'm not playing butterphone today.)

For some reason several of the progress shots didn't save properly here, either -- including the bowl after it was fully mixed, which is a little unfortunate. The toffee may have cursed my phone. Or maybe this phone is just kind of an ancient, busted piece of shit. Whatever. At least it saved this one, taken just after showing the butter I mean business. And holding my hand up so it made a shadow, because while my hand is still quite camera shy, I felt it was important to showcase an absence of spoons or other mixing devices/utensils.

I had to really work to get the flour out from under my nails after this! But it was worth it, I think. It was genuinely a fun novelty, squishing all the ingredients together by hand. It might have been even more fun with both hands, but sometimes you have to show a little restraint.

Baking Protip! don't count the fingers.

Sammy 2025/08/14(Thu)02:21 No. 1112690 ID: 0d424a
File 175516329839.jpg - (200.84KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest36.jpg )

Skipping ahead a little, after handling the boiling and beating, I set out 18 cupcake liners in some muffin pans. (Technically I guess they're cupcake pans, and/or both, but I've only ever heard them called muffin pans. Maybe it's a regional thing.)

Eagle-eyed champions who won the cupcake liner challenge may have noted that this recipe said it makes 20, not 18, but I've yet to meet a recipe that lives up to its final yield estimate. And I was right! Despite using fewer liners, it was still too many!

Or, possibly, I was closer to 3/4 than 2/3 per cup when pouring. But that's defeatist. I think I did an excellent job pouring, and even scraping and spooning from the bottom and sides of the bowl. Readers craving additional interactivity are welcome to take this moment to say "good job" out loud to their screens, as many times as you feel I have earned.

Hm? What's that? The eagle-eyed viewers have something else to say? I can't possibly imagine what. Hm? A sense of deja vu, they say? Hmm... you know, now that you mention it...

Sammy 2025/08/14(Thu)02:22 No. 1112691 ID: 0d424a
File 175516336997.jpg - (217.33KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest37.jpg )

...I think you need to get your eyes checked!!!

Okay, not really, your eyes are probably fine; but if you were expecting to get a slam dunk on me a second time after the m&m fiasco, then, I think you can consider, yourself to be, thoroughly, dunked on!!!

(ignore the premature sprinkles of crumbs in two cups they are not an admission of guilt or wrongdoing)

I opted to go thirdsies: six plain cupcakes, six reese's pieces cupcakes, and six five toffee cupcakes. For anyone wondering why I did not make the five cupcakes plain instead: [The author has declined to comment.]

Sammy 2025/08/14(Thu)02:23 No. 1112692 ID: 0d424a
File 175516340665.jpg - (241.46KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest38.jpg )

There's those beautiful crumbs. If you were wondering what the bowl looked like post-butter mashing, now you have a good idea. These crumbs clump excellently and, though a tad on the mild side, are enjoyably sweet by themselves.

One cup was certainly plenty to cover all the cupcakes. Simply beautiful.

Sammy 2025/08/14(Thu)02:23 No. 1112693 ID: 0d424a
File 175516343023.jpg - (125.74KB , 877x356 , BakingQuest39.jpg )

Ohhh yeah. HERE'S the money shot. I couldn't have asked for better lighting, or cupcake tops that look a more pleasant golden brown. And the way they broke apart as the cupcakes expanded? Chef's kiss. (My kiss.)

Almost makes you forget I don't know literally any principles of photography. Except for the "rule of thirds," but I don't actually know the rule; just its name. I also treasure my ignorance in this matter.

Sammy 2025/08/14(Thu)02:24 No. 1112694 ID: 0d424a
File 175516345175.jpg - (273.20KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest40.jpg )

Here they are with less dramatic lighting. Still look fucking scrum-diddly-umptious, if I may be so bold.

Sammy 2025/08/14(Thu)02:24 No. 1112695 ID: 0d424a
File 175516347684.jpg - (123.30KB , 800x500 , BakingQuest41.jpg )

Boom. Plated, presented, prepared for liftoff. Destination: Tummy City.

I don't know why I said that.

Mukbang 3! Nobody thought I would get this far, least of all myself, but I did anyway.

Once again I am going to change things up a little, because constancy is the bedfellow of complacency, which is the enemy of progress. Probably.

I'm just gonna start by tasting/describing the food. This seems like a better idea than waiting until later to taste/describe it, when it will be less fresh on my mind and/or taste buds.

Sammy 2025/08/14(Thu)02:25 No. 1112696 ID: 0d424a
File 175516351536.jpg - (251.09KB , 1008x756 , BakingQuest42.jpg )

MUNCHIE MUSINGS:

I started with the plain one, and immediately put it down so I could type the following: Oh fuck yes this is delightfully chewy and moist. Something about the taste and texture reminds me of pumpkin bread. I could easily see myself making these again; definitely one of the better (and easier!) handwritten recipes I've tried.

The reese's pieces version leaves me feeling a little conflicted, for reasons that are entirely personal. Unless most people have tried to make peanut butter bread in a little microwaveable dish meant exclusively for instant ramen, which ended up terribly underdone and which, owing to one's commitment to not throwing food out, led to painstakingly eating greasy half-baked peanut buttery dough bit by bit while constantly chasing it with water in a desperate bid not to throw up. But I have reason to believe almost no one else has done this. Baking Protip! don't do this.

Anyway, the taste/texture combo is hauntingly familiar, but otherwise not bad.

As for the toffee... It's okay, but I may not have used enough. Also, I think they're old. Now that they're in this cupcake, they taste old. On the flip side, these cupcakes seem to be just plain enough that additional flavors come through pretty easily. Handy for mix-ins! Also...

I'm starting to think some of these may be slightly underdone. This one, the one the right, tastes a bit raw. In my defense: the recipe did say they burn easily! The lowest baking time was circled and everything! I also got clean toothpicks out of each cupcake I tried, so no one can say I didn't use my best judgement.

But maybe some of these liners were a little too full after all. I may try nuking this one to see if it won't taste better afterward.

UPDATE: I don't think that baked it any further, but it definitely tastes better warm. I did accidentally put it in for 90 seconds instead of 60, but nothing exploded, so I think I can safely endorse microwaving every baked good for any length of time, especially those lengths that are 50% longer than intended.

Anyway, another rousing success! I think the crownies might have been a bit tastier, but since those were from a box mix(/freezer bag), I'm happy to say these shoo-fly cupcakes are better overall. Certainly a more worthy success. It feels good to bake something that isn't so heavily premade.

Anyway, you know the drill. Yap at me and I'll get back to you in a few days.

>>1112696
Nicely done.
You know, i reckon those would have paired nicely with warm custard.
A wee bit of stem ginger in the plain ones and...
Ah, thats beyond the remit of this exercise.
What say we find something to do with the almonds, coconut and dates?
Some kind of scone?

>>1112689
Looks like five fingers to me. Shadows can be weird with multiple light sources.

>>1112696
What's your favorite quest?

What was your grandpa like?

I'm glad they turned out well. Only made that recipe once myself, and it was years ago.

Sammy 2025/08/15(Fri)06:26 No. 1112774 ID: 0d424a
File 175526437089.jpg - (210.33KB , 756x1008 , BakingQuest43.jpg )

>>1112702
Sounds good to me, boss. Always wanted to try my hand at a scone. Just give me a recipe or a configuration of mix-ins to use, and I'll be off like a shot.

>>1112704
Probably Slime Quest! The one by Sofia. I'm kind of a sucker for bright colors and soft/cartoony drawings. I'm also pretty interested in the more recent SUITS; love me some weird shenanigans, especially as portrayed by a talented artist.

>>1112705
That's... kind of a difficult question to answer. Not emotionally; I just didn't get a lot of chances to really sit down and talk with him. He was a man of few words the entire time I knew him, and spent much of his time sitting on the couch with a beer and a western, or sitting outside with the wind chimes. He was already hard of hearing (and ditto for breathing) when I first met him, and never seemed particularly interested in talking about himself. I probably don't know even a tenth of the things there were to know about him.

But I know he liked to make use of his hands: he frequently cooked and baked, regularly filled the bird and squirrel feeders (which he made himself), and when we were all much younger, he and my father built the entire second story to our family home, bit by bit. When his hands were too unsteady to safely use his tools anymore, he started making model kits and 3D jigsaws. And almost every day, especially in the months before the end, I could hear him clacking on an honest-to-god typewriter. Anything he couldn't say with his mouth, he said with those hands.

He was kind, too, come to think about it. Not the patient type of kind; he was known to shout and argue, often flaunting either a bad memory, willful stubbornness, or both. But kind. Beyond the family meals and baked goods, he regularly gave me a minimum of $50 for my birthday, and wasn't shy about letting me use his gas card. When I had my wisdom teeth removed while visiting one summer, he practically filled an entire freezer with ice cream for me. And that drawer with all the candy? He kept that stocked at all times, (usually with more modern candy,) and not just for grandkids: he regularly allowed the neighborhood children to come over and rummage in it, as often as their parents would allow. A real year-round one-man Halloween. It always seemed to make his day, too! Seeing happy kids was one of the only things that would actually make him to smile.

Judging by the sheer number of bottles he had -- pills, supplements, and herbal medicines galore -- which still occupy various cabinets by the hundreds, it took a lot for him to finally give up the ghost. But once he was in and out of the emergency room every other day, and then spending more time at the hospital than at home, I think everyone knew it was only a matter of time.

And now, a few months later, here we are. Still picking up the pieces.

Thanks for sharing about your grandpa. Nice feller by the sound of it.

Scones?
Er.
Ok.
Self raising flour.
Butter.
About a ratio of... uh.
25g butter to every 200g of flour.
Work the butter into the flour so it ends up looking like crumbs.
Then figure youd throw the coconut in then too and the almonds and dates.
Cant remember if you add an egg and milk or not.
I know you have to kneed it a bit afterwards but not too heavily cause that makes the scones stodgey.
Then glaze the top with a little bit of egg to give it that golden cover.
Temperature? Shit. 220?
Cool on a tray.
Cut in half. Butter the halves. Eat.
Hopefully survive.

Honestly, id check a more detailed recipe than my 30 years out of date home ec class memories.

carrying on his legacy through these baked goods